ETIQUETTE FOR STR8s

Το είχα βάλει και στους μεταφραγμένους κάποτε, αλλά σήμερα το θυμήθηκα πάλι και επειδή το θεωρώ κορυφαίο το βάζω κι εδώ:

Let's face it, we all know straights are often uncomfortable with gays/lesbians, bisexuals.So, in a spirit of charity, I decided to compile this list of advice. Any suggestions will be considered for addition to the page.
1. It is rarely considered polite to refer to gay men as 'arse bandits', and lesbians as 'muff-divers', unless an ironic spin is placed upon the phrase.
2. The more sensitive may be annoyed if you constantly keep your arse pressed against the wall. It sends a message to people, and that message is 'Keep away from me faggot!'
3. For straight men: Lesbians are lesbians because they are attracted to FEMALES. Therefore, do NOT try to chat up lesbians.
4. A further note for straight men: The site of your penis will not make a lesbian straight.
5. Do not try to chat up lesbians with the immortal words 'I can do it much better than any woman you know'.EMERGENCY ADDENDUM: Despite what beer adverts say, lesbian couples will NOT invite you to a threesome. Unless they plan to steal your wallet.
6. For straight women: Ditto the advice for straight men, this time about gay men. They will not magically become straight because you flashed them.
7. It is often impolite during a dinner atmosphere to comment that all gays will go to hell. Some people may read unintended negative connotations into the phrase.
8. For nervous straights: Unless you really are good-looking, most gays of your gender will not fancy you.
9. If you think a gay is eyeing you up, it is probably because you spilled something down your shirt.
10. Never call someone a faggot and turn your back on them if they are holding a lit cigarette.
11. For every camp queen, there is also a goth or metal queer. These are not the people to piss off by assuming they are also camp.
12. Regardless to your innermost beliefs, gay people won't laugh for hours if you put on your notorious 'camp gay' voice.
13. It really isn't necessary to wear iron-pants.
14. If a friend confides in you that they are gay, this is probably not a sign that they want you to tell the next 30 people you meet.
15. If you want to make gay people feel comfortable, don't decorate the house pink, and don't force yourself to ask questions about their love life while saying 'isn't that interesting?'.
16. It may be an idea to take down those Nazi and Ku Klux Klan banners before gay friends visit.
17. It won't impress anyone if you display your wondrous ability to dance to the Village People.
18. It still won't impress them half an hour later.
19. An hour later, and they are probably plotting your death.
20. Never ask what 'rimming' and 'felching' are. Gay people will probably be only too happy to inform you of the definition.